Gianni Versace, baby names, and trying to be upper class
Look, we at Rupiani's aren't here to judge. Okay, maybe we are. But only because we care. The other day, we heard someone at a trendy café call out to their toddler: “Gianni! Gianni, sweetie, don’t lick the bottom of mommy’s Louboutin!” And we realized — we, as a society, have officially gone too far.
Naming your son Gianni is the 2025 equivalent of plastering a “Live Laugh Love” sign on your soul. It’s a desperate, glittery cry for help disguised as sophistication. It's something someone who wants to claim they are from 85253—but secretly knows they technically fall outside the city limits—would do.
What Are We Trying to Prove Here?
Let’s be real: no one in that baby’s family line has ever met a Versace, let alone worn one. Naming your kid Gianni because you walked by a display of rhinestone tracksuits at Saks is like naming your daughter Bugatti after seeing a car commercial during The Bachelor. It’s aspirational nonsense.
Yes, Gianni Versace was a fashion legend, a visionary, a god among glam. But your son Gianni is currently eating a rock and thinks ceiling fans are sentient beings. Let’s manage expectations.
The Faux-Luxury Baby Name Epidemic
We’re living in the age of designer baby names. Little Cartier, Dior, Armani, and now Gianni are popping up in pre-K roll calls like it’s Paris Fashion Week. It’s as if adding a luxury label name to a wrinkly, milk-drunk infant will somehow unlock VIP access to a world of private jets and sparkling rosé.
Spoiler alert: it won’t. The only thing your kid is getting comped is a free juice box at soccer practice.
The Rich Don’t Do This
Do you know what rich people name their kids? Charles. Alice. Henry. Margaret. Names so aggressively normal they sound like characters from a 19th-century British boarding school drama. Do you really think someone living in a six-story brownstone in Manhattan is out here naming their kid Gianni? Absolutely not. Not the heir to the family yacht.
Middle-Class Maximalism
What’s happening here is a little phenomenon we like to call "Middle-Class Maximalism". It’s when people use overtly flashy, high-status signals to mask the fact that they still clip Bed Bath & Beyond coupons and have a steady bank job. It's the type of person who takes all-inclusive vacations in Rocky Point and also googles “how to remove wine stains from IKEA furniture.”
Simply put, naming your son Gianni is the name equivalent of wearing knockoff Gucci slides to the grocery store, or sneakers with a suit at a gala.
Final Thoughts
If you’re considering naming your future child Gianni, ask yourself this: Would I be okay if my son’s name sounded like a cologne I’d impulse-buy at a discount mall kiosk?
If the answer is yes — congratulations. You are a proud member of the delusionally glamorous, upper-middle-class fantasy league. Our advice? Save the name Gianni for the family goldfish.
